The greatest thing a friend has ever done for you...

One of my absolute bestest best friends lives and teaches English in China. I know she's out living her life and learning new things, but everyday I miss her just a little bit more than I did the day before. We've had some great times together me and her...travels, adventures, laughs, tears, and some very interesting food (FYI, if anyone asks you if you want to try fermented bean paste sushi, just say NO!), but the most personal thing we have ever shared, is my undies. You see, she's rather freckely, and has spent many an hour in the sun, so when one of her moles changed shape, it was time to go to the doctor. She needed a biopsy, but before the actuall cutting could commence, he had to check the rest of her to see if there was anything else that needed to go. Now, this is the thing, her momma was not a fan of undies, and as she grew, she inherited her mommas dislike of them herself, which is why when the doctor said "ok, now, just strip down to your bra and panties and get on the table, and I'll be right back to check you over" we realized we had a problem. Truth be told the doctor was a little odd, and there was NO way she was getting on that table naked! So, when he left, she started to panic. And this is when I had my most brilliant idea, "do you want mine?" I asked. "ummmm....yes please" she said, and thus began the great undie caper of 2009. First you must understand the gravity of the situation, her mom passed away from cancer, her dad has cancer, she has had cancerous spots before, and right then she was preparing to have two inches of tissue removed from her arm. What you must also understand is the logistics of two women removing their pants, tossing undies across he room, one getting on a table while the other puts her pants back on, and both regaining their composure and acting like nothing ever happened amid fits of giggles, in about 2 minutes. Never in my life had I seen a doctor leave and return so promptly! As you can imagine this truly cemented our friendship. Which is why when she emailed me to tell me about her grade 12 English assignment, I couldn't hold back the tears. The assignment was, "what is the greatest thing a friend has ever done for you?", and of course they needed an example. I would have loved to be there to see the faces and hear the stifled laughter of the students as she retold our story! We have shared many experiences, but this one by far, demonstrates the true extent of love and friendship!

And again...

I think Jackson Pollock put it best when he said, "I feel like a clam without a shell." This describes my existence thus far. I can not even count the times I've wished I was a turtle. Where I could hide my sensitive self in my rock hard shell, pack up and move somewhere else. Hide until the storm passes. But I can't. Alas, I am a human. Thin skin and all. Which I'm sure is why I'm having so much trouble with my current situation. I'm not talking about being sick, or being so broke its actually laughable, I'm talking about being single. It's actually not being single perse that's getting to me, it's the fact that I've decided I don't really want to be any more. I know who I am, what I want, and equally important, what I don't. I think my issue with this whole thing is that I thought I'd found it. The big it. The big "L". Clearly I was wrong. Once again. So in the interest of finding my perfect person, the one who compliments me so completely, I've decided to give this online dating thing another go....I've met some amazing people. I've also met some people I thought were amazing until they vanished into thin air. I've met some hostile people, some lonely people, and let's not forget about the douchebags; I've met lots of them too. And after all this, I have some questions, when does "hey hottie" actually work? Are we 15? No shit your single! Or, why would your first message to me be about bending me over the couch and making me squeal? Why even bother? Go to he bar. Find some easy chick whose lacking just enough self esteem to go home with you, and bend HER over the couch. Also the cock shots, those are nice too; stay classy boys. Also, what's up with the "wants to date but nothing serious" , or "casual dating/no commitment". Why are you wasting everybody's time? Why are you putting in all the effort to write a profile, post your pictures, send messages, receive messages, and reply? It seems rather nonsensical to me. However, I'm out of options. I've come to the conclusion that the best cure for someone that makes you cry, is someone that makes you laugh, and unless I want to "die fat and alone, and be found three weeks later, half eaten by wild dogs" (thank you, Bridget Jones), I'm going to have to put myself out there. So, I will persevere. I will weed through all bullshit until I find someone Who is worth my time, my energy,my love.

The things we learned on el camino...

Generally when people tell you about the places they've been, they tell you about the beautiful scenery, the wonderful people, the great food, the cheap booze,the incredible four star resort they stayed in...this is not one of those stories. I had just broken up with my boyfriend, my friend had just broken up with hers. We were on one of our weekly quests to use up as many coupons from the current entertainment book as possible. Then genius struck. "Let's walk across Spain", she said. To which I replied "sure." And just like that the decision was made. There were things we would need of course, plain tickets, backpacks, a plan... We decided we would start in Madrid, after all, we only had ten days, and that seemed like as good a place to start as any. From there we took the train to Leone, and thus began our journey. We got off the train, and we walked, and we walked, and we walked. We ate, we drank, we slept in ridiculous places, but most of all, we walked. We walked all the way to Santiago de Compestella. We collected stamps, we made friends, we got up before the sun rose and chose a direction based on nothing but feeling, we followed seashells, peed in bushes, ate more bocadillos than a human ever should, and, we walked. We walked in silence, we walked and talked, we walked and sang, we walked in tears, we walked. And this is what we learned: Everything always works out. Sometimes, not having a plan is the best plan. People are willing to help, if we are willing to let them. Trust and Faith go a long way. Your speed is good speed. It's OK to eat bread. Just be nice! Sometimes it's all you need. Sometimes you just need someone to hold your hand. Wobbly bits-we all got 'em! We are truly thankful for google, or as we like to call it, the orcal. My travel buddy is my Spanish HERO! How much we miss yoga. And the most important thing we learned, other than shitty shoes lead to a broken foot, is mascara is NOT mandatory!

In the beginning...

I'm gonna give this blog thing a go...I've always thought my life would make a great book, and a blog is just a free book, right? So here we go... I could tell you about the time I got stuck in Mexico, or the time I walked across Spain with a broken foot, the times my heart broke, or I made such an incredible fool of myself I actually wished I wasn't real. How about the time I almost died, the time I almost killed, the time I was so happy on the back of that bike, that if we died, at least it would have been together? I could tell you about the time I burnt down, broke down, got beat down, and completely lost my shit. Or, maybe, the time I met Hercules? Learned to salsa? Thought I was so awful I tried to cut my heart out with a kitchen knife? Was convinced I could breathe under water? Tried to capture clouds in a jar? Dyed my hair every color of the rainbow at the same time? Painted my house? Took pictures of a person I love in a way I could never love another? I might also tell you about how the death of my father was my salvation, and if not for this event I wouldn't be here talking to you today. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm going to tell you. Just trust that I will tell you something... So, I think, today I will tell you about my mom. She is without a doubt the strongest person I have ever met. I don't have her writing tattooed on me for nothing! It's probably not for the best for you to believe that our relationship is perfect; we fight like cats. But what you should believe is that without her I would be lost. I don't tell her everything, in fact there a things I pointedly don't tell her. I have many reasons for my censorship. Sometimes I don't want her to see my weakness, sometimes I just don't want to hear it, and sometimes what I am thinking hurts me so much, that I couldn't possibly imagine her feeling that way on my behalf. I won't tell you about her life, because, frankly, it's not my story to tell. What I will tell you however, is what I have learnt from her. I have learnt that a human being is far stronger than they think they are; that I'm stronger than I think I am. That being scared is not a good enough reason not to do something. That sometimes a person can love a monster, because that person has the ability to see the good in everyone, even the monsters. That if you have Kraft dinner and ground beef, you will never starve. That sometimes people say things they don't mean. And, above all, that I am loved. Oh, and sometimes, all you need in life is a bacon sandwich, a glass of wine, some chocolate chip cookies, and a good ol' fashioned momma hug. From my momma, I have learnt how to be a good person, and hopefully, one day, a damn good momma myself.