Just to clarify...

Just so we're all absolutely, crystal clear; I am not now, nor have I ever been, suicidal. My last post was not a cry for help, or a plea for attention. As a society, we have an incredibly bad tendency to fear that which we cannot see, or understand. Mental health is one of those invisible things that make some so terribly, terribly, nervous. I have a problem with this. I am tired of the shame and embarrassment that seems to go hand in hand with mental illness. My goal in my last post was to try to alleviate some of those feelings. I was thinking about how much better I would have felt if I had of known that there was someone out there that was feeling the same way I was. I was thinking that if something I shared could make even one person not feel so bad, or lonely, or scared, or (gasp!) crazy, then it was worth spilling the beans. My beans. My most terrible moments. With you. Because even if you're fine, and fit as a fiddle, maybe you know someone who isn't. Maybe my blog will be mentioned in passing, and your words, which may have been benign to you, could be the push someone needs to ask for help. I've learned that there is this great power that comes with vulnerability. If you let your walls down, and allow people to see your messy bits, it somehow gives them permission to do the same. Helps people to not be so ashamed of their scars. Both the physical and the emotional. And that's why I told you all my story. My incredibly painful, awful story. So you wouldn't be alone. So that maybe, just maybe, you can hold your breath, and close your eyes, and admit to yourself, that you cannot carry the weight of the world all alone, on your tiny shoulders. So maybe you will remember that people need people, and the universe needs you, and you are so much greater than you give yourself credit for, and so much more important than you may ever truly understand. A great many things have happened in my life; some really good, and some really bad. But everything that has happened, that I've done, that I've survived, has brought me here, has made this woman who stands exposed before you, has made me a better version of me.